peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
