I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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