Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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