Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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