don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I could make wine with my vomit
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
