So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
