it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
