How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
