New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
