he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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