Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
