At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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