Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i love accidental penises.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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