Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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