what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
