I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
