I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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