Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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