He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
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