Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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