How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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