do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
