We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
