So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
