The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
not ubering you a puppy
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
