I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize