How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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