Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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