Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
