Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
