i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
