I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
