my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
