a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
