You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
