She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just blew my weed a kiss
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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