I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You've changed since you got that strap on
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
