so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
