Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
