Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
