Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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