we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
