I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
