nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
