Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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