Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
