I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
