I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
