I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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