Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
