If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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