1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize