Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
