What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
where does the pee come out of this thing
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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