I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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