shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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