The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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