I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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