I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
