On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
