And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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