Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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