If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize