i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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