Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Dick very happy bro
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
