Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
