Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
