My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
