Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We have started to decorate penises.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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