Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
