uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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