just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
