So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
