What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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