dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
