Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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