I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
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