How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
