No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do herpes really smell.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
