Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
