he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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