It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We are all done wearing pants today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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