im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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