Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
