The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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