I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
