i don't like sucking hair
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
