ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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