I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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