Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I wish I only lived at night.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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