i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
