Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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